Rating: 
September 19, 2007
IF the makers of "Back to You" could get their heads out of their underpants for two minutes, then maybe they'd find the time to write some dialogue for their two high-priced co-stars that aims somewhere other than right between the legs.
As things stand now, listening to the characters on this show trade insults with each other is like spending a half-hour in a schoolyard eavesdropping on first-graders.
In tonight's premiere of this new Fox comedy series about feuding news anchors at a Pittsburgh TV station, one character - the Latina weathergirl who can't keep her bosoms in her shirt - actually refers to one male co-worker's "little weenie."
But that's OK, I guess, since the male co-worker, one of the station's reporters, had only moments before insulted the weather gal's vagina. Hey, in this newsroom, when it comes to genitalia, it's no-holds-barred!
In the same raunchy half-hour (actually 22 minutes when you subtract the commercials), the high-strung anchorwoman (Patricia Heaton) and the pompous anchorman (Kelsey Grammer), who has just returned to Pittsburgh TV after being fired in L.A., exchange some memories of the night they slept together 10 years earlier.
"That particular night was brought to you by the letter 'O'!" enthuses Grammer's character, Chuck Darling.
The anchorwoman, Kelly Carr, reveals to Chuck that their one-time-only dalliance made her pregnant. "It was Beatlemania in my uterus!" she declares as a studio audience or laugh machine (I can never tell the two apart) roars in approval.
Later, the sports anchor (Fred Willard) announces that he doesn't care for the word "sperm." Well, Fred, thanks for sharing!
Next week, in episode 2 (which Fox also provided for preview), Kelly and Chuck continue their epic conversation about their one amorous evening, with Kelly remarking on the woefully small size of Chuck's penis.
Penises, vaginas, the weather girl's big breasts - it's all grist for the humor mill that ground out "Back to You," a show which should have been a no-brainer since everybody knows local TV news is a big joke anyway.
But instead of a no-brainer, "Back to You" is no brains.
"Back to You"
Tonight at 8 on Fox/5
