By DR. KEITH ABLOW
Posted: 4:48 am
September 9, 2008
WITH a new academic year under way, students of every age will be schooled in more than just math, science and history. They'll be learning a thing or two about classroom politics - and possibly running into that ubiquitous figure that stalks the hallways of every school: the bully.
I've met bullies of every kind. I knew them in grade school, and I've evaluated plenty of them during my 16 years practicing psychiatry. I've also met some particularly violent adult bullies in my role as a forensic psychiatrist.
Bullies used to have the playground as their sole domain; now they have the Web. Instead of simply using brute force, bullies can now target their victims online from a distance, with scores of other bullies joining in.
What does this mean? Now that bullying has gone global, it has to be taken more seriously than ever.
Why do bullies do it? They lack a core human quality: empathy. Rather than resonating with the pain of others, a bully either feels nothing when he or she witnesses it, or actually enjoys inflicting it.
I've found that bullies lose the capacity to empathize early in life, when they have to turn off their feelings in the face of violence, chaos or loss. Building empathy is possible, and psychotherapy can achieve this goal. But it takes a good deal of effort and a good deal of time.
A combination of strict limits and real penalties for hurting others is the best strategy to deal with bullies from the outset. That means enlisting the help of teachers, school administrators and, when necessary, even an attorney to make the bullying stop.
The toll of bullying on a victim can be lifelong injury to that person's self-esteem and ability to trust. So I've developed a short list of what every victim should know:
1. Bullies hurt others because they can't deal with their own emotions, including fear. That's why so many bullies flee when confronted.
2. If a bully targets you, it isn't because you're a weak person; it's likely you have strengths the bully envies.
3. Being bullied can make you feel isolated. But the key to stopping it is putting a team together, including your parents. Don't go it alone.
I know the list is simple, and the problem is complex. But it's never a bad idea to add a little psychological armor to your school supplies.
Keith Ablow, MD is a psychiatrist, Fox News Channel contributor and founder of livingthetruth.com. Contact him at kablow@keithablow.com
