THE GREAT WEIGHT DEBATE

By DAWN YANEK

July 15, 2007 -- PARTICIPATING IN OUR ROUNDTABLE:

Stacy Kravetz, author of The Dating Race

Robert Rosenwein, Ph.D., sociology professor at Lehigh University

Jeff, 29, teacher, New York

Heather, 30, social worker, New York

Diny, 31, student, Massachusetts

Q: Let's face it: Weight is a hot button when it comes to dating. Let's hear what your experiences have been like.

Stacy: There is such a weight phobia in this culture! People are so used to the images on TV and the models in magazines that their perception gets a little skewed.

Heather: In my experience dating as a woman who is not thin, I think guys are more obsessed with weight than women are. If you look at my dating history, you'd know that I'm not just into looks. But with guys, sometimes their online profile will say, "I like a woman who takes care of herself physically, spiritually and mentally"-and "physically" is underlined. And you should see the guys who have the nerve to be so concerned about that!

Jeff: I have an average build, but a little bit of a belly. However, I like to surf and be active, and I want to be with someone who likes those things. If someone's on the bigger side, they're probably not going to be interested in that. It's not only about attraction to a certain body type-it's also about lifestyle choices.

Q: Heather raised the issue of online profiles, so let's talk about that: What's online dating like for people who are overweight?

Stacy: Online dating gives you an opportunity to not be eliminated right off the bat because of weight and general appearance. If you build a rapport with someone and you don't measure up to what you've described, there's always the chance that it won't matter.

Diny: If you meet someone at a bar, you've seen each other, so there won't be any disappointment the next time you meet. I had a great rapport via email with one guy I met online, but when we met, I guess he thought I looked different than my picture and his face fell. The whole lunch was uncomfortable.

Heather: It can be hard, because for some guys weight can be a critical factor in whether they want to date you. I've found that since there are so many prospects online, guys feel like they can be really selective.

Q: Do you ever fudge the truth about your weight on your profile?

Heather: I never lie about my weight because I never want someone to be like, "Ohhh, I thought you were thin." My friends say that I go too much in the other direction; I'll check a box that might describe me as bigger than I am.

Jeff: I've never lied. I want them to know what they're getting. If a girl's not going to like me because I have a belly, I'm not interested.

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